Asking Deep Questions
by Marcus Antebi
Article at a Glance:
Asking Deep Questions by Marcus Antebi
Time is passing, all things are constantly changing, and we are getting older. And most likely in time we will see the right way.
I believe it’s a choice that one makes to decide that they want to spend their life asking the deepest questions versus just living. In your mind, the world that you live in is all that is. But there’s an entire cosmos out there, starting with our planet where you stand and extending out into the night sky. You can't touch the solar system with your hands but you can see it. It’s massive, beautiful, in motion, and constantly changing. And one day it will fade away too.
Blah blah blah blah! What is all this nonsense? Is any of this true, or am I just regurgitating years of reading and listening to different teachers? Have I become a cog in the wheel? The question you have to ask yourself when you read what I’m writing is, “What the hell does this guy think he knows about anything? Is he so enlightened, compassionate, and self-realized that I should be listening to him about the nature of reality and my creation? For that matter, should I be listening to anyone about my path?”
That depends on what you think life is about. For me, I look at life as though it is an exciting and playful event with some competition. There are all kinds of skill sets that I have had to learn and that I have yet to learn. I have to learn how to balance standing up and walking, I have to learn how to surf, how to write, how to read, and how to talk. I have to learn how to type, how to drive, and how to get food. I have to learn a lot and I don’t have enough time on this earth to figure out everything by myself.
One hundred years is simply not enough to learn everything that I need to learn, or everything that I would like to learn, because I also have desires. So I look in front of me and I find my teachers. When I was a child my teachers were my parents and they taught me quite a lot. Unfortunately they left out a lot of important lessons; that’s been the case for all of us. I’m now trying to learn more than my parents did and pass it on to my children.
I am still flesh and blood and I still don’t know all that much. I still have to practice and I still have to be interested in my healing. We have to heal every minute of every day of our lives. And what is it that we’re healing from? What if you’re not suffering from an injury such as a cut? What if all of your experiences in your past did not hurt you? If all of the experiences of your youth were just happy, what would you have to heal from?
My experience regarding that is that I have to heal every day, regardless of the experiences of my past. This is the case because every day I wake up and realize that another day has passed. I’m getting older, and one day my ego and my body will not be here. That makes me a little sad because I really like this place. And I’m working on my attachments and letting go of what I need to. Right now I have attachments to the body and I have attachments to the people I love. I have attachments to my routines, and I’m picking and choosing which ones I think serve me.
I no longer spend time confused and wondering why bad things happen to me. I can say that that is a radical improvement from the way I thought when I was a child. Now when I wake up, I make a choice where I want my concentration to go. I make that choice with the thoughts that I entertain in my head. I keep practicing, because I realize that one day this ability to choose will become more difficult.
These mental tests get more challenging as we grow older. At some point in all of our lives we will have to deal with the death of loved ones. At some point in time people may have to experience really scary trauma. No life is free from these tests. They test our character, they test our focus and concentration, and they test our ability to make decisions that would be deemed skillful.
I have to heal every day when I wake up because I realize that I’m getting closer and closer to the divine creation. My mind is opening up. I can feel very slightly that the earth is turning and falling. I am starting to realize that the things of this world must come to an end, and that hurts my extremely fragile ego. I can act tough, as all people can. I can defend my ego with thicker and stronger armor.
But every ego on this planet is fragile and sensitive. I look at children and I look at their egos. I say to myself, “Man, those egos are so delicate, just like mine.” Perhaps that’s why some people use more and more armor around them, because maybe they have the most fragile egos. And this is OK. After all, it is the fragileness of the ego that can truly help us relate to weak creatures with less fortunate positions.
Our fragile egos can help us relate to things that are suffering a little bit more today than we are. We can put our hand on our heart and look at a fallen tree, or we can look at a human being or any type of creature that suffers. And then we can say, “Oh my God, your situation is really difficult. I can feel it. I want to help you along your way. I don’t want to interfere, but how can I serve you?”
Perhaps this sounds like a crock of shit to you. I can picture my book sitting dusty on your shelf because I didn’t pick the right font or I used too many or too few words. Or maybe I used the wrong picture on the cover. But one thing I feel confident about is this: I am finding the truth for myself and I have the freedom today to write it.
I hope that my words reach someone—perhaps you. I hope that you’ll let my words alleviate a little bit of your suffering. I hope that I have the kind of wisdom that will help lessen your suffering and the suffering of some others. I’m trying each and every day to clarify my words, take better actions, and make sure that I don't interfere with or disrupt your healing process.
The best thing I can do is share my healing process with you. And I hope with all of my being that you will find it to be helpful.